Dynax Digital Forums

A chaps sitting in his favourite hostelry enjoying a few pints, and he notices a sign on the wall "Genie granting wishes in the beer garden".

He thinks "why not", and saunters out for a look see, and sees theres a big line of folks waiting.

He joins the queue and waits, finally his turn arrives and he's with the genie, and asks for ten million pounds.

The genie says "Your wish is my command" claps his hands together and says "your wish awaits you outside"

The fella walks out to the biggest pack of dogs he's ever seen in his life.

He realises the genie misheard his "ten million pounds" and has given him ten million hounds.

He complains to the hostelry owner about the "hard of hearing genie", the owner pulls out a little tiny fella in black and white tie and tails playing a small grand piano, and says "Tell me about it, do you think I asked for a ten inch pianist"

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that
one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had
put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and
a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic
waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic
footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
 bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
 asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me
 and I didn't listen to you."  "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
 "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
 out, and today it finally happened.
But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got
most of them back in."

 


Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother  and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear,"
replied Granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know, I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."

The blonde had just opened a book but she closed it and said "What would you like to discuss?"

He says "How about nuclear power?"

"Ok" says the blonde, "That could be a interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff,..grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do supposed that is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he answers " I haven't the slightest idea."

"So tell me" says the blonde, " How is that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know @~&%!!"

Circumcised

     A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.  She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

    The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

    "I thought I told you to call your Mom!" she said. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."



 

That's sick!!!!!   

I don't know where you get all these jokes bobity, but keep them coming!